I’m re-choice

As a married man in his thirties, it is an unavoidable fact that the idea of creating a child will come up periodically in your life. And while I won’t comment on my views on the subject nor of my spouse’s, it is fair to say that I’ve done minimal research in the area of reproduction just so that I know what’s involved.

Here’s what I’ve learned: Basically sex goes from recreational to pro-creational. That’s the difference. Here’s what I’ve also learned: no one enjoys going from recreational to pro-creational anything. In fact, anytime you go from a “re” to a “pro”, it can be more work than you bargained for.

Think about it. It’s always easier to destroy than to create; Spock told us that in Star Trek II. So that’s why no one finds it easy to be productive after being reductive. And who wants to attend a rally or pass out flyers or cold call people on election day? That’s proactive. I’d rather sit at home and bitch—reactive.

The only time “re” and “pro” are interchangeable? In the ass. Look up “Rectology” online and they’ll send you right to “Proctology.” I guess when you someone’s sticking cameras, medical equipment and their hands up your bum, you really don’t to get into a semantic argument.

Wording aside, going from recreational to pro-creational is no picnic. Think of it like this. Imagine you’re a kid and someone says to you, “You sure do love playing with your Transformers. But if you want to get your hands on a limited-edition Omega Supreme, I’m going to have to ask you to limit the time you currently spend with your Transformers to one day a month. When is this day you ask? You know, I’m not really sure, but it’ll be the day after the wind blows a little bit less than normal.” This may actually work as the child will spend that month staring at you trying to figure out this horrible riddle you’ve presented before him.

The bottom line? When I think about it, life is a series of moments that go from practice to reality. High school and college paved the way for my careers, video games prepared me for driving a car, Monopoly prepared me for homeownership. At some point in your life many things go from being for fun to being for real. Why should sex be any different?